We have heard this type of adage many times....but stop and think about it for a moment. Your spouse, your partner, your mom, your daughter/son- the things that drive us crazy about them - are they what we don't like about ourselves? So what do we do about that? When we feel like punching someone is the face because they are driving us crazy, try to think about what about myself do I see in this - how can I change this interaction.
Since being home on leave I have had some time to quiet my mind and thoughts, I have been able to slow down enough to actually start to think through my reactions and interactions with people. I am realizing benefits from this and realizing that I need to find a way to have this mental space even when I go back to work. Most of life I have been afraid of quiet, when its is quiet I have to face thoughts I don't want to face but at this old age of 35, I want to face what ever is in there and move on honey! I am tired of being bogged down with negative things and baggage, I want to travel light.
So how do I do this? Not watching entertainment news is one big step for me, not reading magazines unless they are cooking/recipe mags. Trying to watch TV that is good, not just there. Even blogging, clears my mind, as I start to write I can empty my thoughts some and make room for others....how to be more efficient at work so I can leave on time and once I get home to be here, not mentally there - maybe meditation? I will get back to you as I explore what tools I need to put in my box to help me, maybe you have suggestions?
Well, gotta go watch one of those good TV shows, The 4400 for sci-fi fans out there, it's a good one.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Plans Plan Plans....
Ok - I did not make my kids watch Oprah like I had planed - I felt like it would not impress on them. I did however avoid entertainment news yesterday and I missed out the news on the Oscar noms and Heath Leger's death. Now see how sick that sounds.... I "missed out" of the news of a death - this is why I cannot watch anymore. I found out by the way on regular news CNN/BBC.
I often have plans in day and I often do not realize those plans or expectations of myself or my time for that day. It could be a function of having a baby around that is a bosslady but it is also me. I realize that I am a person who wants to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. I think i have bought into the "you are worth it" byline and I do what ever I want or feel like doing. Where is the line between being good to yourself and enjoying life and being undisciplined? I am wondering what others think.....
I often have plans in day and I often do not realize those plans or expectations of myself or my time for that day. It could be a function of having a baby around that is a bosslady but it is also me. I realize that I am a person who wants to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. I think i have bought into the "you are worth it" byline and I do what ever I want or feel like doing. Where is the line between being good to yourself and enjoying life and being undisciplined? I am wondering what others think.....
Monday, January 21, 2008
Let us be judged by the character of our heart....
Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day - I just finished watching Oprah's special....I am still sniffing back my tears. Tears of joy at where we have come - tears of sadness from where we came - she asked the question how can you keep Dr. King's dream alive?
I think we still have to fight the "power." Don't be drones, don't accept, ask questions all the time, think about what you eat, what you read, what you say, how you spend your time. The words that kept hitting me hard were "Let us not be judged by the colour of our skin but by the character of our hearts." We judge each other in so many ways - our weight, our clothes, our teeth, our language, our education. how much we work or don't work, how much we produce. We allow unknowns to influence what we value in each other - marketing. This is a quote from Michael Crichton's book titled "Next" Pg. 299
"Furthermore, we have conquered personal space. Logos, brands, and slogans appear on ordinary objects from knives to tableware to computers. They appear on all our possessions. Consumers wear logos on their clothing, handbags, shoes, jewelry. Indeed, it is rare for a person to appear in public without them. Thirty years ago, if anyone predicted that the entire global public would turn themselves into sandwich boards, walking about advertising products, the idea would have seemed fantastical."
I think to myself I want Victoria Secret underwear because I deserve it and I need to make sure that I take care of myself - keep sexy- so these underwear that say Victoria Secret make me more sexy then Walmart brand because they cost more and beautiful starving women wear them.
I feel like I am taking better care of myself when I spend more on something. I have swallowed the pill.... granted some things that cost more are better - I give you that but the brand is key....there have been studies done on cosmetics which are identical to each other but people assume the more expensive one is better for them.
BUT....what is the character of my heart? I spend so much time thinking about making money to buy things, about how I need to get my house fixed up so people who visit won't think I am poor - or feel uncomfortable with the choices I have made. When alone in my house - I am fine with my furniture and my "unfinished" decor. When the times comes it will be appropriate to fix it up of course - but when it is time - when the character of my heart says - this is what is required at this time.
For me - I know I am responsible for the character of my heart. I am a person of faith and some times people of faith think God is responsible for their character - I don't think so - God makes available -love and wisdom and we have the responsibility to put those ingredients together and create a character of heart.
What is going on around you - what do you need to speak up about - what should you NOT accept as "the way things are?" Dr. King leaves us a legacy - what are you going to do keep the dream alive? Me two things I will do today
(1) I will no longer consume celebrity gossip ( a big step for those of you who know me)
(2) I am going to go pick up my kids from school and make them watch Oprah today....I am going to introduce them to Dr. King's dream.
I think we still have to fight the "power." Don't be drones, don't accept, ask questions all the time, think about what you eat, what you read, what you say, how you spend your time. The words that kept hitting me hard were "Let us not be judged by the colour of our skin but by the character of our hearts." We judge each other in so many ways - our weight, our clothes, our teeth, our language, our education. how much we work or don't work, how much we produce. We allow unknowns to influence what we value in each other - marketing. This is a quote from Michael Crichton's book titled "Next" Pg. 299
"Furthermore, we have conquered personal space. Logos, brands, and slogans appear on ordinary objects from knives to tableware to computers. They appear on all our possessions. Consumers wear logos on their clothing, handbags, shoes, jewelry. Indeed, it is rare for a person to appear in public without them. Thirty years ago, if anyone predicted that the entire global public would turn themselves into sandwich boards, walking about advertising products, the idea would have seemed fantastical."
I think to myself I want Victoria Secret underwear because I deserve it and I need to make sure that I take care of myself - keep sexy- so these underwear that say Victoria Secret make me more sexy then Walmart brand because they cost more and beautiful starving women wear them.
I feel like I am taking better care of myself when I spend more on something. I have swallowed the pill.... granted some things that cost more are better - I give you that but the brand is key....there have been studies done on cosmetics which are identical to each other but people assume the more expensive one is better for them.
BUT....what is the character of my heart? I spend so much time thinking about making money to buy things, about how I need to get my house fixed up so people who visit won't think I am poor - or feel uncomfortable with the choices I have made. When alone in my house - I am fine with my furniture and my "unfinished" decor. When the times comes it will be appropriate to fix it up of course - but when it is time - when the character of my heart says - this is what is required at this time.
For me - I know I am responsible for the character of my heart. I am a person of faith and some times people of faith think God is responsible for their character - I don't think so - God makes available -love and wisdom and we have the responsibility to put those ingredients together and create a character of heart.
What is going on around you - what do you need to speak up about - what should you NOT accept as "the way things are?" Dr. King leaves us a legacy - what are you going to do keep the dream alive? Me two things I will do today
(1) I will no longer consume celebrity gossip ( a big step for those of you who know me)
(2) I am going to go pick up my kids from school and make them watch Oprah today....I am going to introduce them to Dr. King's dream.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
My Profile and the lack thereof
I am not going to fill out my profile....I am evolving so I won't set myself in a box for now...all y'all can decide for yourselves and I will do the same.
Well given our facebook culture I had given up on blogging - as the old way of doing but being the person of many many many words that I am and with the encouragement of a friend, I have decided to go back to the blogging side of things. I have created this new blog (my old one is Je Suis) I feel that I am starting a new chapter and someone told me I was too depressing in my old blog - I am still processing that comment.
Well today I am munching on a freshly baked banana muffin (baked by moi) and drinking a hot cup of coffee and feeling like hmmmm what is around the cornor? Well the first thing I run into is that I do not know how to spell cornor....that is a place to start. I cannot spell - I am one of those people that if you carefully checked my resume you might find an error. What does my inability to spell tell you? That I am careless, that I don't pay attention to detail - perhaps I am not educated?
I am educated, I am quite intelligent even - I do pay attention to detail- what it is- I am dyslexic. this impacts not only my ability to spell but my ability to see the error - I read the word on the page and it appears correct to me - I cannot see the error. Usually the misspelled words are common every day words...anyway this is something that defines me.
In university I did not know about dyslexia and did not know that is what made me the way I was - I just found a way to cope. When I would be writing an exam I would write in a messy manner so you could not really tell how I spelled the word. My exams were like those emails that go around that have the words all garbled up but you can still read them. So I am a messy writer - I developed this skill to cover up my inability to spell again something that defines me.
On Oprah ( you will find this phrase many many many times in the course of my blogs - deal with it!) on Friday they had a financial expert on who went into a woman's home and saw it messy, dirty dishes etc and proclaimed that her house (and her financial situation) was a mess because that was how she was on the inside, mentally - a mess - cluttered. I asked myself as I looked around my cluttered messy house still in my pajamas - is that true of me - is my house a reflection of my mind and heart? Is my messy writing, my inability to always catch my spelling errors, my verbose nature a reflection of a chaotic person?
Right now my answer is no- I choose to spend my time differently then other people. I would rather sit down and work on a puzzle with my daughter then make sure the kitchen floor is spotless (with four kids the floor is never clean for long) I would rather read a book or watch a movie and fill my soul with thoughts then make sure that my bed is made. I would rather spend two hours cooking something delicious then making sure my cupboards are organized.
What do you think? Am I making excuses? I wonder what Oprah would say to me?
Well given our facebook culture I had given up on blogging - as the old way of doing but being the person of many many many words that I am and with the encouragement of a friend, I have decided to go back to the blogging side of things. I have created this new blog (my old one is Je Suis) I feel that I am starting a new chapter and someone told me I was too depressing in my old blog - I am still processing that comment.
Well today I am munching on a freshly baked banana muffin (baked by moi) and drinking a hot cup of coffee and feeling like hmmmm what is around the cornor? Well the first thing I run into is that I do not know how to spell cornor....that is a place to start. I cannot spell - I am one of those people that if you carefully checked my resume you might find an error. What does my inability to spell tell you? That I am careless, that I don't pay attention to detail - perhaps I am not educated?
I am educated, I am quite intelligent even - I do pay attention to detail- what it is- I am dyslexic. this impacts not only my ability to spell but my ability to see the error - I read the word on the page and it appears correct to me - I cannot see the error. Usually the misspelled words are common every day words...anyway this is something that defines me.
In university I did not know about dyslexia and did not know that is what made me the way I was - I just found a way to cope. When I would be writing an exam I would write in a messy manner so you could not really tell how I spelled the word. My exams were like those emails that go around that have the words all garbled up but you can still read them. So I am a messy writer - I developed this skill to cover up my inability to spell again something that defines me.
On Oprah ( you will find this phrase many many many times in the course of my blogs - deal with it!) on Friday they had a financial expert on who went into a woman's home and saw it messy, dirty dishes etc and proclaimed that her house (and her financial situation) was a mess because that was how she was on the inside, mentally - a mess - cluttered. I asked myself as I looked around my cluttered messy house still in my pajamas - is that true of me - is my house a reflection of my mind and heart? Is my messy writing, my inability to always catch my spelling errors, my verbose nature a reflection of a chaotic person?
Right now my answer is no- I choose to spend my time differently then other people. I would rather sit down and work on a puzzle with my daughter then make sure the kitchen floor is spotless (with four kids the floor is never clean for long) I would rather read a book or watch a movie and fill my soul with thoughts then make sure that my bed is made. I would rather spend two hours cooking something delicious then making sure my cupboards are organized.
What do you think? Am I making excuses? I wonder what Oprah would say to me?
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